Develop active listening
Relationships within my social life such as my family, friends, colleagues and superiors are important to me. Thus, forging a healthy social circle requires that I learn to listen actively during interaction with others. However, I face certain challenges, such as when communicating with those I have known for a long period of time.
Familiarity breeds contempt. This is defined by The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy as, “the better we know people, the more likely we are to find fault with them”. In my family, for example, when my father’s not agreeable on a certain issue, my mind immediately shuts off all explanations he has to offer, and I wander into my own cloud of perception. “Being the unsupportive person he is, he’s never going to agree on this!” With this preconceived assumption, the discussion comes to an abrupt closure.
My mental barrier – I subconsciously formulated a fixed mindset of how my father was going to react, what he was going to say, and the intentions behind what he was about to say. It would have been wiser of me if I had adopted an active listening approach, by not being judgemental on my dad’s content and behaviour based on past experiences. Furthermore, if I had taken the time and effort to listen to his points of view, this would have put me in an advantageous position to engage in an objective discussion and hopefully persuade him for the better or even gather some new insights from him!
Extending this scenario beyond my family, I need to constantly remind myself to be open-minded to others as well. Judging a person instantly prevents effective communication and discussions. Therefore, I believe that active listening is important not only to improve relationships through mutual understanding, but with a greater diversity of ideas, it also helps in making better decisions.
Cheers,
Chong Guan
I agree to your point of not judging a person as well. When we already have a certain opinion about someone (usually negative), we will tend to interpret their words in a negative manner. This can result in unpleasant feelings created between both parties, as well as chances of missing out on certain brilliant ideas that could have been brushed off by you because of the impression you already have on the other party.
I wish to propose another way to look at your view regarding 'familiarity breeds contempt'. While I also identify with how I tend to disregard the nagging from my mom at times, it can be a process of learning. As my family makes effort to communicate well, we learn how each person thinks and understand the point where each person is coming from. With the maturity and sincerity, I found myself being able to communicate with my parents a lot better than 3 years ago. So this familiarity trap is something we can overcome. Hopefully after this course our relationship with people will be a lot better!